10 Motherhood Truths I'm Learning in Real Time

There’s something about motherhood that is so transformative, it’s hard to put into words. We somehow become responsible for teaching these tiny humans how to be people overnight, and yet it feels like we’re the ones learning just as much from them.

Motherhood has changed me in ways I didn’t expect. Honestly, even that feels like an understatement. Being a mom to three under two has been a total crash course from the moment the twins were born until now. I’ve been thrown into it, learned as I’ve gone, and figured a lot out the hard way.

Now that the twins are turning two soon, I feel like I’ve picked up a few things along the way. These are little “mantras” I’ve saved in my Notes app over the past year. Basically, my survival guide for raising babies and toddlers.

1. Postpartum recovery is not linear. This one doesn’t quite fit the rest of the list, but it needs to be said. Having gone through postpartum twice now, I’ve learned to give myself a lot more grace. Some days I feel great, even on broken sleep. Other days, I feel completely drained for no obvious reason. The physical and mental recovery is unpredictable. Be patient with yourself.

   
   

2. Model, don't micromanage. I saw this somewhere and it stuck with me. I spent a lot of time micromanaging every little behavior, and it’s exhausting. The reality is, you can’t force everything. You can only show them what you want to see. Toddlers are stubborn, but modeling works over time. Myles eating broccoli the other night was all the proof I needed.

   
   

3. Pick your battles. Not everything needs to be one. This has saved my sanity more times than I can count. Not everything needs to turn into a power struggle. Sometimes it’s just not worth it. The goal isn’t to win every battle. It’s to keep the peace where you can. And sometime's that means letting your toddler have chocolate for breakfast. And that's okay.

   
   

4. You set the tone and energy, even when you don't realize it. I tend to always be moving, jumping from one thing to the next. I realized one day that my boys were doing the exact same thing. The whole house felt chaotic. But when I slow down, they do too. If I’m tense, they feel it. If I’m calm, things settle. It’s not perfect, but it makes a difference.

   
   

5. Be where your feet are. This one has helped me a lot. As a working mom, my mind is always somewhere else. When I’m with the kids, I’m thinking about work. When I’m at work, I’m thinking about the kids. Even at night, I catch myself checked out when I should be reconnecting with myself or my husband. Lately, when I notice it, I tell myself “be where your feet are,” and it pulls me back.

   
   

6. If they’re giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time. This applies to every stage so far. ALL behavior is communication, and unfortunately for us, young kids just aren’t that great at communicating with words yet. It’s easy to take things personally, but most of the time they just don’t have the tools to express what’s going on.

   
   

7. Hold the boundary when necessary, then help them through it and reconnect afterwards. Tantrums used to feel like something I needed to shut down immediately. Now I see them differently. My job isn’t to stop the meltdown. It’s to guide them through it. I try to keep things contained, both physically and emotionally. I hold the boundary, stay calm (or at least try to), and let them work through what they’re feeling. I stay with them, validate what I can, and model calm when everything feels anything but calm. Sometimes that means redirecting or distracting. Sometimes it just means sitting there while they cry. And then, when it passes, we reconnect. No grudges, no dragging it out. Just moving forward.

   
   

8. It's okay to let them struggle, it's how they learn. This one has taken me some time to accept. My instinct is to jump in and help right away, especially when something seems hard or frustrating for them. But I’ve realized that stepping back a little is just as important. Not every challenge needs to be solved for them. Sometimes they need the space to figure things out, even if it takes longer or ends in frustration. That’s where confidence and problem-solving actually start to build.

   
   

9. Consistensy matters more than perfection. I used to think I needed to get everything exactly right. The perfect routine, the perfect response, the perfect system. That’s just not realistic. Showing up consistently matters way more than getting it perfect every time. When you mess up, apologize. Even if you think they don't understand what you're saying.

   
   

10. Some days are just survival days. Not every day is going to be productive or meaningful or calm. Some days are just about getting through. And honestly, that’s okay. You can follow the routine, stay patient, do all the “right” things, and the day can still fall apart. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Some days are just hard.

I’m still learning all of this in real time. Some days I do really well, and other days I forget everything on this list. But these are the things I keep coming back to when I need a reset.

Let me know your thoughts, and solidarity to any mom reading this who’s in the thick of it right now. This isn’t easy, but I promise you’re doing great. Honestly, the fact that you’re even reading this shows how much you care. Your babies are lucky to have you!

Posted from the heart,

Mama Poe