10 Motherhood Truths I'm Learning in Real Time

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Motherhood has a funny way of humbling you.

Before I became a mom, I thought I'd spend my days teaching little humans how to navigate the world. Instead, they've spent the last few years teaching me just as much.

Becoming a mom to twins—and then welcoming a third baby less than two years later—has been the biggest crash course of my life. Some lessons came naturally. Others I've learned the hard way.

Over the past year, I've started saving little reminders in the Notes app on my phone. Not because I've figured motherhood out, but because these are the truths I keep coming back to whenever I feel overwhelmed.

These aren't rules. They're reminders. This is my current survival guide for motherhood during this beautifully chaotic season of life.

1. Postpartum recovery is not linear—and it lasts a lot longer than people think.

This one doesn't quite fit the rest of the list, but it deserves a spot anyway.

Having gone through postpartum twice now, I've learned to give myself a lot more grace. Some days I feel great, even on broken sleep. Other days I feel completely drained for no obvious reason.

The physical and mental recovery after having a baby is unpredictable, and it doesn't magically end after six weeks. Healing takes time, and it rarely happens in a straight line.

Be patient with yourself.

👉 If you're in the thick of postpartum, you may also enjoy reading my 4th Trimester Survival Guide!

2. Your kids learn more from what you do than what you say.

I saw this somewhere, and it stuck with me. I used to spend so much energy micromanaging every little behavior, and honestly, it was exhausting. The older my boys get, the more I realize I can't force kindness, patience, or respect.

What I can do is model it. Because they're always watching. The way I speak to people, how I respond when I'm frustrated, how I apologize when I mess up—it all matters.

3. Pick your battles. Not everything needs to become one.

This has probably saved my sanity more than anything else since the twins have entered the "terrible two's".

Not every disagreement needs to turn into a power struggle. Sometimes it's simply not worth it.

The goal isn't to win every battle. The goal is to protect the relationship while holding boundaries that actually matter. And unfortunately, sometimes that means saying yes to the chocolate chip muffin instead of arguing over oatmeal. Not every hill is worth dying on.

4. Your energy is contagious.

I tend to always be moving from one thing to the next. One day I realized my boys were doing exactly the same thing. It was like they didn't know how to sit down. The whole house felt absolutely chaotic.

I've noticed that when I slow down, they usually do too. If I'm tense, they pick up on it. If I'm calm, things tend to settle. It's not perfect, and it's certainly not magic, but it has made me much more aware of the energy I bring into our home.

5. Be where your feet are.

This has become one of my favorite reminders. As a working mom, my mind always seems to be somewhere else. When I'm with my kids, I'm thinking about work. When I'm at work, I'm thinking about my kids. Even after bedtime, I catch myself mentally checking out instead of reconnecting with myself or my husband.

Whenever I notice it happening, I quietly tell myself: Be where your feet are. It helps bring me back to the moment I'm actually living instead of the one I'm worrying about next.

6. If they're giving you a hard time, they're probably having a hard time.

This has changed the way I look at challenging behavior. Children's behavior often tells us something they're struggling to communicate. They're still learning how to regulate emotions, solve problems, and express themselves with words. That doesn't mean every behavior is acceptable (boundaries are SO important), but it does remind me not to take it personally.

Most of the time, they're not trying to make my day harder. They're having a hard day, too.

7. Boundaries and connection can exist at the same time.

Tantrums used to feel like something I needed to stop as quickly as possible, whether that be through instant co-regulation or trying to help them problem-solve. Now, I see them totally differently.

My job isn't to eliminate every big feeling. It's to help my children move through them. To do this, I hold the boundary, stay as calm as I can, label the feeling, and remind myself that they don't need me to fix every emotion—they need me to help them feel safe while they experience it.

Sometimes that means redirecting. Sometimes it means sitting quietly beside them while they cry. And when it's over, we reconnect. No grudges. No shame. Just moving forward together.

👉 Learning to stay consistent completely changed bedtime in our house. I wrote about how boundaries helped me survive the "2 year sleep regression" here!

8. It's okay to let them struggle.

This one has taken me the longest to learn.

My instinct is to jump in and help immediately, especially when I know I could make something easier for them. But I've realized that constantly rescuing them also takes away opportunities to build confidence. Not every problem needs me to solve it. Sometimes they need space to figure things out, even if it takes longer or ends in frustration. Growth usually looks a little uncomfortable.

They may scrape their knee when they're learning to walk. They may get really mad when they can't figure out a toy at first. But, that's okay. That's a part of being a kid!

9. Consistency matters more than perfection.

I used to believe I needed the perfect routine, the perfect response, and the perfect parenting strategy. That's just not realistic. Showing up consistently matters so much more than getting everything right every single time.

And when I do mess up—which I absolutely do—I apologize. Kids don't need perfect parents.

They need parents who are willing to repair after the hard moments.

10. Sometimes surviving is enough.

Not every day is going to feel productive, meaningful, or peaceful. Some days are simply about making it to bedtime. And that's not something you should feel guilty over.

You can follow the routine, stay patient, do all the "right" things, and the day can still completely fall apart. That doesn't mean you're failing. Some days are just hard. And surviving those days is enough.

👉 My worst survival days were always our sick days. Check out my guide to surviving illnesses without TOTALLY losing your mind!

Final Thoughts on motherhood

Motherhood has a way of changing us just as quickly as our kids change. Some days I live by every reminder on this list. Other days I forget half of what's on here by 9:00 AM — and that's okay, too.

If there's one thing motherhood has taught me, it's that growth isn't about getting everything right. It's about continuing to show up, learning from yesterday, and trying again tomorrow. So if you're reading this while your toddler is screaming, your baby won't nap, or your house looks like a toy store exploded... You're in good company.

Posted from the heart,

Mama Poe

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