Which Sleep Training Method Is Best? Here's Why the Answer Depends on Your Baby
- Mama Poe
- 3 days ago
- 6 min read
Updated: 4 hours ago
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Let me start by saying this: I am not a sleep consultant. I've never taken a class, earned a certification, or even hired a sleep consultant for any of my kids. But I do have three boys who all sleep well most nights. Getting there wasn't luck. They are each very different kiddos.
When the twins were born, I became borderline obsessed with learning everything I could about baby sleep. I spent countless hours reading about wake windows, schedules, sleep associations, temperaments, and just about every sleep training method that exists.
And if there's one topic that's guaranteed to start a debate in the parenting world—aside from whether sleep regressions actually exist (my vote is still no)—it's sleep training.
I've read both sides of the argument. Some parents believe sleep training is cruel. Others believe it's one of the best things they ever did for their family, helping everyone get the sleep they desperately needed while teaching their babies to fall asleep independently.
I've read the research. I've read the opinions. I know the counterarguments to both sides. I'm not here to convince you that one approach is right and another is wrong. But the reality is that sleep training exists for a reason.
Most families today have at least one working parent, and in two-parent households, it's now common for both parents to be working, like ours. For many families, getting enough sleep isn't a luxury—it's a necessity. Parents still have to safely drive to work, care for other children, make important decisions, and simply function during the day.
That doesn't mean every family should sleep train. It also doesn't mean families who choose not to are doing anything wrong. It simply means that for many parents, sleep training is one tool that can help their family get the rest they need.
In this post, I'm sharing the different sleep training methods that exist, what they're designed to do, and why I ended up using different approaches for each of my three kids. Because if parenting has taught me anything, it's that babies don't read the same instruction manual.
What Is Sleep Training?
So what exactly is sleep training? At its core, sleep training is simply teaching a baby how to fall asleep independently. That's it.
Sleep training is an umbrella term that includes a wide range of approaches—from very gentle, parent-present methods, to more structured methods that involve giving your baby opportunities to settle themselves before you intervene.
The goal of sleep training isn't to ignore a baby's needs. The goal is to help them develop the skill of falling asleep independently while ensuring those needs have already been met.
Just like adults, babies naturally wake up several times throughout the night. The difference is that some babies are able to drift back to sleep on their own, while others need the same conditions they fell asleep with in the first place.
That's why there isn't just one "sleep training method." Different babies have different temperaments, different sleep associations, and different family situations. What works beautifully for one baby may be a disaster for another.
One thing I want to make clear before we go any further: sleep training can't fix a bad schedule or unrealistic expectations. If your baby is overtired, undertired, hungry, or simply isn't developmentally ready, changing how they fall asleep isn't going to solve the underlying issue. In my experience, having an age-appropriate schedule is the foundation that makes any sleep training method more likely to succeed.
Popular Sleep Training Methods
A quick note: None of these methods are considered appropriate for every baby or every family. Factors like age, feeding needs, medical conditions, temperament, and your own comfort level all matter.
Each method has its own nuances, age recommendations, and considerations. If one stands out to you, I encourage you to read more about it from a trusted source and discuss it with your pediatrician if you have questions.
Which Sleep Training Method Should You Choose?
I hate to break it to you, but the answer depends mostly on your baby and your comfort level.
I was personally comfortable using Cry It Out—but I only used it with one of my three babies.
Temperament matters here, and I think that's something that gets lost far too often in the sleep training conversation.
All three of my babies have had very different sleep needs, even the twins—and they shared a womb, and have shared a room every day since then!
Jay has always been easygoing. As a baby, he responded really well to check-ins. I could reassure him, lay him back down in his crib, and he'd settle without getting more upset. He is the same exact way now. He loves falling asleep independently, but does occasionally need some support.
Myles is the complete opposite. As a baby, he was very all-or-nothing when it came to sleep. Either I was holding him all night, or he needed the space to figure it out independently. Check-ins have never reassured him—they frustrate him. Seeing me but not being picked up, or being picked up only to be put back down, only escalated things. As he's gotten older, that's gotten a bit better. Whenever we've had major sleep setbacks, the Chair Method has actually worked really well for him now because he's developmentally able to understand that I'm still there, even if I'm not holding him.
Cam is only 7 months right now but has landed somewhere in the middle. He also doesn't love being picked up and put back down repeatedly, but Cry It Out hasn't been the right fit for him either. Right now, he seems to do best with something between the Ferber Method and the Chair Method.
If there's one thing I've learned after sleep training three very different kids, it's this: there isn't a universally "best" sleep training method. There's only the method that works best for your child, your family, and your comfort level.
Sleep Training Isn’t a One-Time Thing
Sleep training isn't something we did once and never thought about again. Illness, travel, teething, developmental milestones, and changes in routine can all temporarily disrupt sleep—even for babies who have been sleeping well for months.
That's completely normal. I wrote an entire post about why I think these setbacks happen and why I don't believe "sleep regressions" are quite as mysterious as they're often made out to be.
Final Thoughts
If you decide to sleep train, I hope this post helped you understand that there isn't one universally "best" method. Every baby is different, every family is different, and the approach that works beautifully for one child may be completely wrong for another.
If you decide sleep training isn't right for your family, that's okay too. Plenty of families respond to every wake-up and are perfectly happy doing so. The "right" choice is the one that's sustainable for your family.
If you're struggling right now and don't know where to start, I'd encourage you to first focus on your baby's schedule. You can't sleep train away an unrealistic schedule. Once that foundation is in place, you can decide whether sleep training—and which method—is the right fit for your family.
And remember—even if you find a method that works, sleep isn't always linear. Illnesses, teething, travel, developmental milestones, and changes in routine can all temporarily disrupt sleep. Those setbacks are normal and don't necessarily mean you've done anything wrong.
👉 Read my post on the truth about sleep regressions here!
If you've made it this far, I hope you walk away with one thing:
Don't choose a sleep training method because someone on the internet says it's the "best." Choose the one that fits your baby's temperament, your family's needs, and your own comfort level.
Posted from the heart,
Mama Poe
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