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A Pep Talk for New Moms: You're Going to Be Okay

  • Writer: Mama Poe
    Mama Poe
  • 1 day ago
  • 8 min read
silhouette of mom holding baby in front of window

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Becoming a mom was the most challenging phase of my life. Being a mom has become the greatest joy of it.


Not because motherhood itself suddenly became easy. My days are still loud. My house is still messy. Someone is always asking for a snack, needing a diaper change, or yelling "Mama, where are you?!" from another room. But because it’s grown me into the most confident, self-reflective, and caring version of myself.


But if you would’ve asked me how I felt about being a new mom at any point within the first year after the twins were born, I probably would've smiled politely while trying not to cry. Truthfully, I wasn’t enjoying it. At all.


I was running on almost no sleep. My hormones were all over the place. I was pumping around the clock. I was working full-time. I felt responsible for every bottle, every nap, every wake-up, every appointment, every decision. When I say I was hanging on by a thread, that may be an understatement.


Everyone kept telling me to "cherish every moment." I couldn't. I was just trying to make it through the day.


So I’m not going to preach to you how these are the best days of your life, or the days are long but the years are short. You’ve got enough people in your life and on the internet telling you that. That’s not what this pep talk is for. I am not here to make you feel guilty for wanting something to end because it’s tough.


I’m going to tell you why you’re not only going to get through it, but you’re going to come through on the other side stronger. I'm going to remind you that what you're feeling is normal. That you're not failing, you're not alone, and it's okay to not love every facet of motherhood right now.



It’s okay to ask for help as a new mom.


I never did. And this may be my biggest regret of early motherhood. I felt like if I somehow struggled harder than everyone else, I would earn my worth as a mom. 


I never let my husband take overnight wake-ups. I handled every feeding, every middle-of-the-night cry, every exhausting morning. When my family offered to watch the twins so I could nap or simply leave the house for an hour, I always said no.


Part of it was anxiety. Part of it was perfectionism. Part of it was the inability to give up control. I convinced myself nobody else would follow their schedule correctly. That one missed nap or delayed bottle would ruin everything.


Now, as a mom of 3, I know that even if their schedule or routine got messed up a bit for a day… that would have been okay. Babies are incredibly resilient. We would have gotten back on track. And I would have gotten a moment to breathe.


One day off schedule wouldn't have hurt them. But never allowing myself to rest certainly hurt me.



It’s okay that your baby isn’t like someone else’s.


This one was… a tough pill to swallow.


I constantly compared my babies—to each other, to their family members, and to social media.


Why isn’t Jay sitting up but Myles is?

Surely something must be wrong.

Why isn’t Myles sleeping 12 hours at night like his cousin did at this age?

Maybe I need to adjust his schedule.

Why can’t they take more than 5 ounces at a time like this feeding chart says?

They must need new bottle nipples.

Shouldn't they be crawling by now?

This baby on TikTok is.


Every milestone, every nap, every bottle, every developmental leap felt like a test I was somehow failing. What I didn't understand then is that babies aren't meant to follow each other. They're meant to follow themselves.



Even my own twins—who shared a womb, a birthday, and the same parents—developed differently. One reached milestones before the other. One slept better. One struggled more with change. One loved things the other didn't. None of those differences meant either of them was behind. They were simply becoming themselves.


Your baby doesn't need to be like someone else's. They just need the chance to become exactly who they are.



It’s okay to feel like you’ve lost yourself after having a baby.


Before motherhood, my life revolved around my own choices.


What should I wear?

What should I make for dinner?

Do I want to meet a friend for coffee?


Suddenly, every decision started with someone else.


When does the baby eat next?

How long has it been since the last nap?

Do I have diapers packed?

Did I remember the extra outfit?


The mental load never stopped. Somewhere in the middle of keeping tiny humans alive, I forgot I was still a person, too. 



If you feel like you've disappeared, I promise you haven't. You’re still there. You’re just becoming someone new. And when you meet her on the other side of this, I think you'll be amazed by her. She'll be someone you're incredibly proud to be.



It’s okay to miss your old life before becoming a mom.


You can be incredibly grateful for your baby but still miss how things used to be. 


I remember Steven and I were trying to watch a movie one night when the twins were newborns, and I hated it. 


Everything felt so loud. I had to pump and my boobs hurt. I was constantly thinking about if the twins were going to need me any second.



And then, I just started crying. Uncontrollably. I felt homesick even though I was sitting right there on my couch with my husband.


Looking back, I wasn't homesick for a place. I was homesick for a version of my life that I knew no longer existed. I missed the simplicity of deciding on a whim to watch a movie, go out to dinner, or sleep in on a Saturday morning. I missed feeling like my mind belonged entirely to me. For the longest time, I felt guilty for admitting that. 


But missing your old life doesn't mean you love your new one any less. It simply means you're grieving a chapter that has closed while learning to embrace one that's just beginning.



It’s okay to feed your baby in a way that works for you.


I felt an immense pressure to breastfeed the twins. And I triple fed for weeks to make sure I had enough milk for them both. Then, I combo fed them until I returned to work. Then, when I went to work, I felt like I absolutely had to continue pumping.


I would pump every 3 hours on the dot. I was chained to a clock between my pump schedule and taking care of the twins.



Looking back, I don't regret giving my babies breast milk. But I regret believing my worth as a mother depended on it and making myself so miserable in the process.


Breastfeeding is wonderful if it works for you. Formula is wonderful if it works for you. Combination feeding is wonderful if it works for you.


When it comes to feeding your baby, your mental health matters, too. A healthy mom and a fed baby is never second best.



It’s okay if motherhood doesn’t feel like social media.


I remember scrolling on TikTok one night and seeing a “Spend a Day With Me and My Newborn” vlog. The mom looked so happy. Her makeup was done. She was making coffee. She blissfully took her newborn on a walk. She relished in the contact nap when she got home.


I felt… awful. I don’t even think I brushed my teeth that day. The thought of taking them on a walk felt like an insurmountable task; not something to look forward to or enjoy. Contact naps stressed me out because there was always so much that needed to get done.


And that continued on for the entire first year of motherhood. Everything I saw on social media made me feel like utter crap.


How were these moms having so much fun?

Why are they not crying?

Why am I struggling so hard?!


But, even though I was struggling, I wasn't failing. I was raising twins. Working full-time. Pumping around the clock. Trying to take care of a home. Of course it looked different. Comparison has a funny way of making impossible standards seem normal.


Don't let someone else's highlight reel convince you you're doing motherhood wrong.



It’s okay to not love every stage of motherhood.


This one took me the longest to admit.


I loved my babies. I didn't love being sleep deprived.

I loved watching them grow. I didn't love pumping.

I loved cuddling them. I didn't love feeling touched out by the end of the day.


Those things can exist at the same time.


I feel absolutely NO shame now when I tell people that I hated the first year. Because it’s the truth. It wasn’t for me. I loved my babies deeply then, and still do now, maybe even more so. But if someone had offered me a fast-forward button through the newborn stage, I probably would've pressed it.


Loving your children doesn't mean you'll love every season of motherhood. And that doesn't make you a bad mom. It makes you human.



My final pep talk for new moms


This is exactly why I started Mama Poe's Posts. I can't go back and sit beside the version of myself who cried on the couch because she missed the life she used to have. But maybe I can sit beside you. So, I hope you hear me when I say this:


You're not failing. You're not ungrateful because you're finding this hard. You're becoming a mother. And that's one of the biggest transitions you'll ever go through.


One day, almost without noticing it, you'll stop questioning every decision you make. You'll stop comparing yourself to everyone else. You'll trust your instincts a little more. You'll find your rhythm. You'll laugh more than you cry. You'll look at your child and realize somewhere along the way, you both grew up together.


The version of motherhood you're living today isn't necessarily the version you'll be living a year from now. Babies sleep. Toddlers learn to communicate. You gain confidence. You find routines that work for your family. The things that feel impossible today won't always feel this heavy.


Most importantly, you'll meet a version of yourself you haven't met yet.


She's stronger than you know. More compassionate than you ever imagined. More patient, more resilient, and more confident than the woman who brought her baby home from the hospital.


Becoming a mom was the hardest transition of my life. Being a mom has become the best part of it.


So, I hope you believe me when I say that the woman waiting for you on the other side is worth every hard day it takes to meet her.


Posted from the heart,

Mama Poe


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