Raising a Sensitive Child: What My Toddler Has Taught Me About Big Feelings
Updated: Aug 13
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I always knew Myles was going to be sensitive, even when I was pregnant with him.
I know that sounds crazy. But at every ultrasound, Jay (Twin A) would be bouncing all over my uterus while Myles (Twin B) was curled up, looking perfectly content and relaxed.
I told everyone, "Twin A is going to be wild. Twin B is going to be sensitive and sweet."
Somehow, I ended up being right.
Myles has actually proved me right every single day since he was born. Even in the NICU, the nurses would gush over how beautiful he was, quickly followed by, "Boy, is he feisty." He only truly settled when he was with me or when Jay was tucked beside him.
Now that he's two, so much about those early days makes sense.
Raising a highly sensitive toddler has challenged me in ways I never expected, but it's also taught me so much about how children experience the world. There have been two moments recently that completely changed the way I see Myles—and ultimately, the way I parent him.
If you're raising a child with big feelings, you're not alone. Here's what it's been like for me, and here are some tips that are making things easier most days.
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My Experience Parenting a Sensitive Child
Myles hates unpredictability, uncertainty, and feeling unsafe. He hates not being able to communicate those feelings even more.
He just turned two a few weeks ago, and things have gotten easier in some ways as his language has developed, but much harder in others. And anyone who parents a big feelings kiddo knows—it's not for the weak.
Most days, there are so many moments where I find myself gushing over how smart, empathetic, and loving he is. But then five minutes later? I'm thinking to myself, What the actual hell is your problem, dude?
I've learned that with Myles, the thing he's upset about is rarely the actual thing he's upset about. For example, he may throw his shoes while I'm trying to get out the door before work. He demands a different pair, then protests when I try. It's not about the shoes. It's about me leaving.
There have been a couple of moments over the past week that made me realize just how deeply he feels everything.
My brother (his "Zizi," aka his favorite person) has a motorcycle, and Myles saw him getting on it.
"Zizi be careful."
"Yes, Zizi needs to be careful."
"Zizi safe?"
I stopped dead in my tracks. How did my two-year-old know motorcycles were less safe than cars? He asked me over and over if Zizi was safe until we met up with him later that day. You could physically see the relief on his face when he realized his favorite person was okay.
There was another moment that opened my eyes even more—and before I share it, please know this wasn't one of my proudest parenting moments.
I was on the phone with my dad, and Myles kept yelling for my attention. After several minutes, I reached my limit. I hung up the phone and shouted, "Myles, knock it off!"
He cried. Immediately, I regretted it. I apologized. "Myles, I'm sorry I yelled. When you were yelling at Mommy, it made me angry. But we shouldn't yell when we're angry."
He wasn't himself for a while afterward, but a walk helped him reset. Several hours later, we were reading one of my favorite books, Calm Down Little Monkey (this has been a life-saver because unfortunately for my boys—and honestly, for me too—they inherited my bad temper).
After we finished reading, we talked about how Little Monkey calmed down even though he was upset. I reminded Myles that he had been upset earlier, but he calmed his body down, and I told him I was proud of him. He looked up at me and quietly said, "Mama made Myles cry."
Cue the dagger straight to my heart. I knew in that moment that I had to learn to regulate my own emotions better if I wanted to help him regulate his. Because his feelings matter to him. A lot.
Sensitive children feel everything deeply—the good and the hard. They love fiercely, worry fiercely, and hurt fiercely too.
I can't change the fact that Myles feels the world this way. But I can change how I respond to those feelings.
8 Easy Tips for Parenting a Sensitive Child:
Offer choices proactively.
Sensitive kids often struggle when they feel like things are happening to them instead of with them. Offering simple choices throughout the day ("Do you want the blue cup or the green cup?" or "Do you want to put your shoes on first or your coat on first?") gives them a sense of control while still allowing you to hold the boundary.
Prioritize one-on-one connection.
Myles is in a unique position. As a twin with a six-month-old baby brother, he gets far less one-on-one time than the average two-year-old. I've noticed that even something as simple as a quick trip to the grocery store with just the two of us can completely fill his cup. Those little moments of undivided attention go a long way.
Stick to routines—and prepare them when routines change.
Sensitive children thrive on predictability. Whenever possible, we keep our routines consistent. But life happens, and routines change. I've found that "front-loading" those changes ahead of time ("Daddy is putting you to bed tonight because Mommy has to work late") helps reduce a lot of anxiety and big reactions.
Name and validate feelings.
I've learned that acknowledging Myles' feelings doesn't make them bigger—it actually helps them pass more quickly. Sometimes he doesn't need me to fix the problem. He just needs to hear, "You're sad because Mommy is leaving for work," or, "You really wanted to keep playing outside. That's hard." Feeling understood goes a long way.
Use tools whenever you can.
Timers, visual schedules, social stories, and books have all been incredibly helpful for us. Like I mentioned previously, one of our current favorites is "Calm Down Little Monkey" which has become a great springboard for conversations about feelings and calming our bodies. I also use these emotion shaker toys to help us learn to label feelings. Both twins are obsessed with these.
Be consistent with expectations.
Sensitive kids still need boundaries. In fact, I think they often need them even more because boundaries help them feel safe. The key is being consistent, even when they don't like the answer.
Walk away when you need to.
Sometimes both of us are at a ten. If I feel myself reaching my limit, stepping away for a minute to regulate myself is far better than saying something I'll regret. You can't co-regulate with a child when you're completely dysregulated yourself.
Always come back and repair.
I am going to mess up. Every parent does. What matters most isn't being perfect—it's reconnecting afterwards. Apologizing, repairing, and showing our kids what healthy relationships look like may be one of the most important things we can teach them.
Final Thoughts on Raising a Highly Sensitive Child
I don’t get it right every day. Working on this is requiring me to actively work on myself, too, and that doesn’t happen overnight.
So for now, I'll keep apologizing when I mess up, keep repairing when I get it wrong, and keep reminding him—and myself—that big feelings are okay.
We just have to learn what to do with them.
Posted from the heart,
Mama Poe
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